More Happenings From Chinaland

The Chinese reaction to Swine Flu (sorry, Type A H1N1 Influenza) is to aggressively quarantine anyone suspected of having it, or of having been in contact with someone who may have had it. Also, to lock up all of Shanghai's Mexicans, regardless of whether or not they have even BEEN TO MEXICO in the past so many weeks ... So basically, having failed miserably to warn the world about Bird Flu and SARS, neither of which thankfully got off the ground in a big way, the Chinese pendulum now swings to the opposite side. I'm willing to bet that, like the word for "logic", traditional Chinese has no word for "middle ground".

In other news, I went to the post office to send a parcel to my girlfriend and the following conversation took place:

[In the room where you have to buy the boxes, opposite the International Counter itself]

Worker: Go to the counter to check you can send all that in one box. ("All that" is a DVD, an item of clothing, and a letter)

[At the counter]

Worker: You can't send this all together.

Me: Why not?

Worker: This is written stuff, and these are articles. You can send the letter on its own and the items in a box.

Me: Why? I've done it before! Look, I'm not blaming YOU, but every time I come here there is some problem and the workers here all say "Oh it's just the regulations", so today, right now, I would like to see these regulations please.

Worker: (perplexed) I'll just go ask my supervisor. Wait a moment.

[She comes back after a minute or two]

Worker: Just a moment I have to make a phone call.

[Another minute passes]

Worker: Okay you can send them all together.


What the hell was that all about? I'm going back with a Chinese friend and I'm demanding a copy of their regulations now, this is ridiculous, I'm willing to bet half the stuff they've told me is just made up by someone who simply didn't like the aesthetics of whatever it was I was doing (writing addresses in red ink for instance) ... In future I'm just going to hide letters with my articles and sod them, I can even declare a letter's presence on the customs form, since I'm almost certain they don't speak / read English at the International Counter.

What a barmy country. Im home in 71 days.

Swine Flu

Okay, so it's not here in China (yet), but if news from the UK's officials is anything to go by, it will be round the world in a matter of weeks rather than months (thanks to air travel, mass movement of populations, and so on). Joy. They also said that's just a "maybe" and we'll have to wait and see - don't you just love certainty? - and finally that of the many viruses out there, if you were to choose one, the strain of Swine Flu that seems to be emerging in people outside of Mexico is one of the "better" viruses with which one could hope to be infected. Beautiful.

As and when it does hit China, I am sure the spread across the country will be RAMPANT, thanks to the behaviour of the average Chinese (about which I have blogged previously and at length - think spitting, coughing, sneezing, and so on, all without protective measures like tissues). And I wonder how the Chinese medical system will cope. Actually I don't wonder very much about this at all - those who have money and insurance might be able to get themselves SOME KIND of medication (whether it's on par with Western stuff is doubtful), and in the worst cases there might even be hospital beds (clean? You must be having a giraffe!) and life support systems (in Urumqi, I'm not holding my breath).

The British Embassy kindly sent an email round to say that at the moment there's nothing to worry about, and if there IS a pandemic, there will be no arrangements made to repatriate British citizens (makes you wonder why we paying taxes at all really when our politicians have just given themselves a pay rise but our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan are ill-equipped and citizens in a country with a crap healthcare system can't even get a free or discounted emergency ticket home should a disease reach pandemic proportions).

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit; to conclude, I have just 84 days until I leave this country. I hope Swine Flu can wait a little longer to spread itself, but at the same time, if it happens it happens, and I'll just have to deal with it if it happens to me ... now, can anyone send me some Tamiflu? Pretty please?


[[Actually, if it reaches mammoth proportions I wonder if they'll shut the uni down ... in which case Mum, sack off your trip here and I'll be back home ASAP, assuming transport still works!]]